After going through my cemetery of text messages and writing novel-esque, over-explained apologies to my ghosting victims, I feel it is only appropriate to do the same for you.
When I first started this blog, I was frustrated with being a woman in tech. I was making 1/3 – 1/8 the salary of the engineers around me. I was overwhelmed by the stress of being professional in an environment where every other guy wants to “catch up” or “grab coffee,” when in reality his underlying objective is to get his foot in the door of my pants (There are very rare instances when this is not the case, but if you’re semi-attractive and have legs, always be cautious about such invitations.).
Now, I feel I’ve finally gotten a handle on things. I was recently converted from underpaid contractor to appropriately-paid, “official” employee. I got a 60% salary bump and now make 1/2 – 1/5 the salary of the engineers around me! #comeup
I also feel I’ve become more savvy in navigating this boys’ world. I know how to cock-block a coffee invite; I’m desensitized to catchup requests, and I actually feel at home in the workplace.
So, what’s up with my dating life?
The moment I found out I truly had the chance to escape my contractor shackles, my job became my priority, and dating/Moxie (my Suddenly Single persona) had to take a backseat. I began focusing on my career, working extra – sometimes staying onsite for over 10 hours. And it paid off, literally.
While offsetting my work-life balance and basically living in the office, I began seeing an engineer from a nearby team on my floor. It was extremely convenient. I never intended to write about him, because he’s far from an asshole – but here I am. Though he’s a white male with a lifetime of top-tier privileges, he’s somehow managed to not become the stereotypical, entitled douchebag. Instead, he’s sweet, thoughtful, and appropriately aware of his luck. The amount of detail he puts into planning our dates or remembering things I say is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. He’s a little young, but he never ceases to surprise and amaze me. Plus, he has a fat D.
With that said, I’m still confused AF. Yes, I finally got where I wanted to be in my career, but that surely comes with a cost: More expectations. I’m a climber, and the ladder is ever-extending. Not only do I suddenly have more responsibility, but being the masochist I am, I decided to attend one of those coding academies, a three-day-a-week gig with 20+ hours of homework. I’ve fully accepted the fact that I will not have time for anything.
And yes, I’m dating an adorable, heat-packing engineer, but there is so much I haven’t accomplished in this blog yet. I may be ready for no life, but I’m not quite ready for bae life. What will I do? I don’t fucking know.
Welcome to my life crises.