Come @ Me, Bro: Let’s Get Personal

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I’ve been questioning how personal I should get with this blog. Sure, I talk about my sex and dating life, but what do you really know about me? Not much. I read somewhere that people get really into it when bloggers show their human side. Looks like it’s time to get human. 😘

The Lost Girl

I’ve had a lot on my plate as of late, an ever-increasing list of insecurities, fears, and unknowns. Since a lot of my issues stem from writing an anonymous blog, there aren’t many people I can confide in. You guys though, you’re fair game. So, prepare to be subjected to word vomit as I hurl you through the questions I lose sleep over.

    1. What happens when my contract ends?

      In my “About” page, I explain why I’m in Silicon Valley. I say I’m here because I accepted a prestigious position at a top tech company. While that’s all good and true, what I DIDN’T mention is: I make under $55K, and I’m on contract.

      At places like Google, Facebook, and Apple, there is a legally-enforced limit on how long contractors can remain contractors at each given company. The limit is two years. This law was passed in order to eliminate the doomed fate of “forever-on-contract.” The end result? Google, Facebook, and Apple are fine and unfazed. But the contractors? They’re swapped around like low-value trading cards and hop from one underpaid position to the next.

      I don’t intend on being a veteran company-hopper, so I need to figure my shit out, stat.

      *FYI – $55K is WAY low when you hold a technical position at a leading corporation in Silicon Valley – especially when you calculate the added cost of living in SF, where $1100 for a small room is a total steal. When I tell people where I work, they assume I’m rich. Unless one can be aristocratic by association, I am unfortunately lacking in fortune. Instead, I’m surrounded by people who make two to eight times more than I do. It’s great.
    2. What am I doing with my life?

      I have no idea. Do I actually like working in tech? Pretty sure I’m just here for the status. Should I quit everything to become a writer? I wish. Am I happy? I don’t know. Why am I even writing this blog? Am I doing it out of narcissism, hedonism, feminism, or some other “-ism”? Am I a bad person for shaming unknowing boys for saying stupid shit? Probably. Am I needlessly messing with people’s emotions? Yes. Why am I such an asshole? Do I actually care that I’m an asshole? TBD.

      I told my sister about this blog. She said it made her uncomfortable.

    3. Am I in denial about everything?

      Who do I think I am? What if someone finds out? What if I’m not a good writer? Will I be the bad guy in the movie or the misunderstood hero? What happens if I fall for someone? Am I writing about sugar daddies so I can justify a taboo curiosity? Am I a fraud?

Solution: Indulge my taboo curiosity from point #3, acquire a sugar daddy multiple sugar daddies, and solve the job issue from point #1 by funding myself through borderline prostitution.

I’m a fucking genius. Pun intended.

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Seriously though, the answer to the aforementioned questions is: IDK.

But maybe IDK is OK.

How the Rugged Past of My Dates Made My Ragged Present Seem Somewhat Pleasant

Whenever I land a successful founder as one of my involuntary research participants, i.e. one of my dates , I like to ask about the early stages of his journey. How did he know his ideas would work? How much stress and suffering did he endure to get where he is today? Did he have support? Did he ever think about giving up? How did he transition into his current role? Was there even a transition, or did he dive right in?

My group of unsuspecting interviewees have been Asian and Caucasian, with ages ranging from 23 – 32. So far, I’ve surveyed a:

      • famous self-made millionaire/internationally-published author
      • locally-adored CEO/co-founder in the arts and technology industry
      • startup-hopper/founder/CEO in the finance industry
      • budding social media entrepreneur in the fashion industry
      • CEO/co-founder in the hospitality industry
Their answers are always surprisingly similar. Throughout their journeys, each suffered from oscillating confidence levels. Some days they’d be certain of their paths; other days they questioned everything they were doing and anticipated their imminent failure. Despite their present success, however, some of them still hold on to those fears. Some don’t. Most of them went through phases of being flat broke and sleepless. Some for months. Some for years. The big outlier who didn’t seem to struggle too much was Renaissance Ronald. Basically, he lucked out when his passion project magically turned into money. He waltzed right out of his well-paying job into his own company with little to no risk. Everything just casually fell into place. Now Google, Facebook, and Apple engineers actually volunteer to work for him for free, because his company is so cool. Handsome, white lumberjacks really do have it all.

(Side note: This is the only research where the participant pays to be studied, and the researcher is the one getting their food and drinks compensated. #fabfauxscience)

Conclusion: 

Nobody knows what the hell they’re doing. It’s normal to freak out. And if you can’t beat ’em, date ’em. AKA I still have no idea what I’m doing with my life.

17 thoughts on “Come @ Me, Bro: Let’s Get Personal”

  1. I like this blog and I’m glad you’re doing it, and I think you are doing it because it is interesting; i’m sure other people like me also are curious about your life in silicon valley. and hey, everyone’s got to have a hobby! Good luck and thank you for writing ^_^

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I struggle with the information I share on my blog, too. Am I an asshole because I’m writing personal details about people without their knowledge? Sometimes I feel that way… and it kills me knowing that anyone I’ve written about on my blog would be mortified if they knew.

    I would never tell anyone in my family about my blog so you’ve outdone me there. Haha

    This uncomfortability seems to be a common theme for bloggers. It helps to know I’m not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh man, it was horrible. We’d been casually dating for 6 months and had just had the “let’s get serious” discussion. We knew each had been dating others, so we were honest about where things were with each person. Then, in an attempt to be completely honest, I told him that I also had a sex & dating blog. He was shell-shocked when I told him exactly how many people I had been dating. I was incredulous that he was so upset about it – he was the one who was pro polyamory, after all!

        And then he actually FOUND my blog somehow. He figured out it was a WordPress blog and then did a search for sex & dating blogs in San Francisco… and found it.

        HE WAS PISSED when he found it and read it. It nearly ended any possibility of a relationship and things were pretty rocky after that.

        I should have ended things then. Hindsight is 20/20!

        This is why I never want anyone else I’m dating or in a relationship with to know. It’s my diary, for pete’s sake! We both felt exposed.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Can’t believe I never responded to this! OMG what a story. That’s so insane that he found it. Mortifying much? Also, I find it hilarious that he was pro poly but so offended by your dating habits!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Please continue with the blog. There’s nothing like having no face attached to the words to find the truth in how women really think (I’m a guy). There are countless news articles and political forces that distort the truth and blogs like this are my trusted vehicles to navigate treacherous, deceitful weather. Of course, you could end up being full of shit but my instinct tells me not.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Jay, I seriously appreciate your feedback. I noticed a large percentage of my readers are men! Their reason is probably similar to yours. I guess we as humans are all a confused bunch, forever curious about the other side.

      And it’s true. People are always distorting the truth. Sugar coating is overdone and unhelpful.

      Thanks for trusting me 😉 I’m going to start writing more posts geared toward the things men want to know about women. e.g. At what point in dating is it acceptable to make sexual comments about a woman’s body? Comments like –
      “You have a really great ass.” It’s totally fine to say this in some contexts, but in others – SO not cool. How do you make the leap from creeper to keeper?

      Like

  4. This is a really interesting blog that I stumbled upon by accident. I look forward to reading more of your adventures and hearing your thoughts. Don’t stop! These are topics that everyone is thinking but we are all too afraid/shamed/embarrassed to bring up. Keep going! Feminism for the win!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Victoria! Thank you so much for your comment. It honestly means the world to me to hear people are enjoying my blog. Half the time I wonder if I’m just some crazy narcissist writing a bunch of weird crap, so seeing comments like this really helps 🙂 🙂 🙂 P.S. Sorry for my late reply. ❤

      Like

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