Hot Chick Hypocrisy: Confessions of a Female Chauvinist

While men who date or sleep with masses of women may be glorified by mainstream media, in girl world they’re shamed and branded as “fuckboys.” Despite their portrayal as flourishing flirts, fuckboys’ sole sources of success tend to come from ladies leaning on the insecure side of the spectrum. It doesn’t take a Casanova to woo a chick with low self-esteem. Sorry, fuckboys, you’re pooling from easy targets. Nothing but cheap tricks here. Though it’s true that every once in a while a fuckboy will luck out on a bad bitch (We all make mistakes.), as a general rule of thumb – confident, independent women don’t mess with players.

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Photo by Currie Lee
The other day, I was thinking about how beautiful and powerful my girl group is, but suddenly, it occurred to me: My girl friends and I are all huge hypocrites.

There comes a point when we so zealously protest against our enemies, that we ourselves become the enemy. Life is a continuum, and logic is circular. You can be so left that you start to embody everything you hate about the right. You can be so anti-XYZ that you in fact become XYZ.

Well, guys, I officially apologize for all the times I’ve called any of you “pigs,” “fuckboys,” or “male chauvinists.” Why? Because I am a female fuckboy. I’m dating five guys at once and talking to a couple bonus boys on the side.  I cancel plans whenever I feel like it, knowing my bullshit has no consequences. I actually have hos in different area codes, and sometimes I go on three dates in one weekend.

My best friend at work both on and off the clock is a gorgeous redhead. Let’s call her Ginger.  Ginger is a bubbly, freckled goddess. Guys flock to her. She accidentally flirts every time she breathes, so she gets many a hopes up. Ginger’s trail of false hope allows us to benefit from boys bending over backwards; they’re always eager to do favors to win her affection. Even the tech celebrity in our building, of a $300-500 million net worth, fawns over Ginger. Whenever they cross paths he does the whole – light back grazing, arm touching, any excuse to make contact thing. Ginger politely goes along with it. She plays dumb, but she knows what she’s doing. PSA: Girls always play dumb. It’s a defense mechanism.

Ginger does what she wants and regularly endorses her inner Beyoncé. Like me, she’s dating and talking to more dudes than she can handle. Her excuse? She just got out of a bad relationship. We can really rationalize anything.

My other attractive female friends aren’t any different. We encourage each other and justify our actions with barely intelligible excuses like, “I totally understand why you’re doing this. After the shit your ex put you through? Get it, GIRL!” We’re fuckboys, and we’re not even aware of it. If a guy dated me to record my behavior in a blog as a ploy to get famous, he would literally be the devil. My girlfriends would berate him into oblivion. “He’s scum!” “I am so disgusted.” “How could he do this to you?” “How could anyone do this to anyone?”

Now I’m the gross, scummy guy. My friends are all the gross, scummy guys. We whimsically string men along without knowing what we want from them. We act like we’re above treating boys with the consideration and respect we want for ourselves. Then we laugh about our mischief.

We are female chauvinists. We thought we were Beyoncé, but in reality, we’re more like post-“Umbrella” Rihanna.

And you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that. You do it to us; we do it to you. Someone needs to balance out sexist stereotypes.

At least, that’s what I tell myself.

3 thoughts on “Hot Chick Hypocrisy: Confessions of a Female Chauvinist”

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